her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
