I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
