Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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