Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
