Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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