Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
