yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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