yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
