He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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