Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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