I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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