Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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