Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
