in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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