Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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