Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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