I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
