Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize