nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
