I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
