I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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