I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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