Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
