Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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