These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
