He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
