I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
