it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
