Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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