is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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