Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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