CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
