I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
