I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
