i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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