all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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