I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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