I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
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