i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
