I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
