Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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