: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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