Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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