Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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