he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
