I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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