What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Randomize
