my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
