Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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