Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
