Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
