My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize