Umm I'm too high to move.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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