After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
