there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
