When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
