____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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