i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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