it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
