The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
