I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
