i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
