guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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