Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
