We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We have so much sex to catch up on
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
