We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
