you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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